pads versus no pads

Aren't they precious?

Behind every great man is an even greater woman

So, I know this blog is supposed to compare Irish men and American men, but I figure a man is nothing without the women in his life, so I might as well take a look at Irish women and American women. Now, I could sit here and pick apart American women for days (except for me, of course, because I am obviously perfect), but instead of boring you with all of their negative qualities (and yes, I am generalizing, but I guess that's the point of this entire blog), I figured I'd focus on the basics. Irish women, from what I've observed and experienced since living in Dublin, are basically the definition of down ass chicks. They're some of the nicest people I have ever met, they're usually ready to just chill out, watch a rugby (or football) game and throw back a few cold ones, they're not afraid to come up to you and shoot the sh*t and they wouldn't find it odd if you did the same. They're bold, they're honest, they have a great sense of humor, they're laid back and they know how to have a good time. This, unfortunately, is not always the case for the stereotypical American woman, who tends to be stuck-up, judgmental, self-absorbed and, well ... what's the opposite of funny? Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing female friends at home who fit the criteria of how I just described some of the best Irish women I've met since being here, but I'd consider myself lucky. Where I go to school in New York, for every down-to-earth, fun-loving girl I know, there are about 8 more running around with their sorority sisters (who they paid to be friends with), wearing dresses tight and short enough to see their cash and prizes, drinking nothing but a vodka because beer has too many calories, eating nothing but salad because food has too many calories, and, well, I guess I made my point. And, again, there are exceptions to everything, because I've certainly seen quite a few Irish girls running around with their asses hanging out, but I haven't gotten the vibe that it's the norm. But this isn't just about how short a girls skirt can get. In all honesty, half the time I meet an American girl, I stop caring about whatever it is she's talking about fairly early into our conversation. Irish women, however, keep me on my toes, make me laugh, seem genuinely interested in what the conversation is about and are always unbelievably friendly. So, if a man truly is only as great as the woman who stands behind him, then Irish men, you're pretty f*cking great. Although, I will admit that this experience could be completely skewed based on the fact the Irish girls usually think I'm from Manhattan, which for some reason they think makes me pretty damn cool, and I have gotten to the point where I am too tired of explaining what I mean by "upstate New York," so I usually just go on letting them think I'm pretty damn cool.

Seriously, though, what's with the tracksuits?

It took me a while to catch on to this, which is probably because the extent of the Irish men I was meeting the first few weeks in this country were 60-something-year-old men sitting in pubs in the middle of a weekday afternoon, but once a few of my friends insisted they were everywhere, I couldn't help but start to keep an eye on the attire of the younger Irish men in this city. And let me tell you, once I noticed it, I really noticed it. I'll never forget the day I was walking down O'Connell Street minding my own business when all of a sudden some kid with a faux hawk and a blue tracksuit (fully detailed with white stripes down the sides) walked right by me. At first I couldn't help but laugh pretty much right in his face because all I could hear in my head was the voices of my American friends trying to convince me these tracksuits were everywhere. Then, more quickly than you can imagine, the situation went from funny to legitimately scary. One second I was giggly about some guy making a poor decision when he got dressed that morning, and the next second I was drowning in a sea of tracksuits. It was like once I saw one I started noticing every single Irish guy in Dublin who was covered from head to toe in polyester. I think within a 4 minute period I counted 17 tracksuit-wearing Irish guys (some of them in groups wearing matching suits) walk by me, and at least 5 of them were sporting that faux hawk I was talking about. I mean, I get that maybe they could be comfortable, but so are sweatpants? Do these men THINK they actually look good when they look in the mirror before they leave their house, or do they just not care? Is it possible that all 17 of these men could really be coming home from the gym, or playing a game of football with their buddies somewhere? Because that's pretty much the only excuse I would consider taking. If I walked out of my house and met up with 4 of my friends, all of whom were wearing an identical outfit to what I was wearing, but in various colors, I would be mortified. We would just be some pathetic version of Destiny's Child without the dancing or singing or cameras. Which, in case I haven't made this clear, would not be cool. So, Irish men, it's time to give it up. Have some respect for yourself, invest in a pair of jeans, or at the very least a pair of sweatpants, and throw those damn tracksuits away. Just don't burn them, because no one needs the city smelling of melting plastic.

"If you can make a woman laugh you can make her do anything"

Most of the time, when someone asks me what I look for in a man, I tend to say a good sense of humor. If a guy can't make me laugh my ass off, I probably won't enjoy being in his presence. The good news for men is, I laugh at pretty much anything, so it's not all that difficult. I went into this post hoping I would be able to determine whether Irish guys or American guys are more funny, but I just can't come to that sort of a conclusion. Most of my experience with American men is that they have a sense of humor that not everybody really understands, and that's usually the best part about it. Half the time I observe my male friends hanging out together, they're not saying much that's really worth listening to, and I really don't think your everyday passer-by would be even remotely entertained. But that's what I love about my male friends' ability to make me laugh. They're usually not trying to put on some sort of a show (USUALLY being the key word here). For the most part, they're shooting the sh*t and doing/saying things that they find funny for their own personal enjoyment. Which, if you sit in a room listening to them for long enough, you'll either grow to love or hate. Growing up surrounded by my brother and male cousins, finding myself hanging out with my first boyfriend's best friends way too often in high school, living with two guys for two years in college, and now coming to Ireland to, for whatever reason, find myself surrounded by a bunch of American guys, I really didn't have a choice but to learn to love it. Irish men, on the other hand, can make me laugh just as hard, if not harder (they do have those cute, silly accents and say things like 'brilliant,' 'craic' and 'mate,' so how could they not put a smile on your face? But I think the Irish are consciously being funny, telling a story that the crowd listening to will be sure to get a kick out of. Americans are funny, but they're just funny by nature. The Irish, on the other hand, actually have a skill of coming up with some of the most hilarious comments, comebacks and stories that you don't either love or hate ... you just love. So, cheers to you, Irish guys, for actually putting a little effort into making a girl smile.

Irish men not as easy on the eyes

All right, here it goes. I wanted to wait a little further into my blog’s life to cross this bridge, but I figure it’s better to just get it out in the open. This may come as a shock to many people, especially because I hear American woman talking about going overseas to find themselves a sexy foreign lover all the time. But for me, in the battle of looks, I’m sorry to say, all points are rewarded to the Americans. It’s not that I haven’t seen any good-looking Irish men since I’ve been in this country. It’s just that, well, how can I put this? Since I’ve been here I’ve met five attractive American men. And in all honesty, I think I truly remember meeting three attractive Irish men. Those numbers are definitely not in your favor when you make up the majority of a population. I don’t really know what it is. Maybe I just like to stick to my kind. Like how Nala went with Simba even though she had all of those hyenas to pick from. Not that I’m comparing Irish men to hyenas, but you get the point. There’s just something about the build and masculinity of an American that I prefer over other species in the wild kingdom of men. It’s not even specifically an Irish thing. Since I’ve been here I’ve met French men, Spanish men, Italian men and Korean men, and there’s just no Va-Va-Voom present. For most Europeans, I suppose they’re just too clean cut for me. I really can’t see myself being attracted to someone when they’re wearing nicer jeans than I am and took longer to do their hair than I did. American men, as long as you keep your distance from the Jersey Shore, usually don’t care about things like that. And why should they? What’s more attractive than a guy with scruff, dirty jeans and a tool belt? Absolutely nothing, in my book. So maybe it’s their hairstyle, their clothing, their build or just simply that I like to stay within my pack, but there’s nothing better to look at than an attractive, masculine, rough-around-the-edges American male.